you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
