I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize