I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
