Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
