As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
