She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
