the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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