If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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