yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
