She is in my trunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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