I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
