he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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