In the future we'll all be gay
My room smells like vodka and shame
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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