dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
