Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
