he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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