We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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