i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
