i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
