Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
