your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
