I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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