When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
