My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
