The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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