talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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