He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
