btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
