I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
