I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
