found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
