Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
