Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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