you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize