well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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