Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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