If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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