Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
