Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
