Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
