so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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