If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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