so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
