So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
