just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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