i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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