i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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