Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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