I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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