So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
