I wish I could teleport
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
