Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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