That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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