Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
