eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
