his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
