A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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