I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
