Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
