I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
