I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
