I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
