I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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