come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We need to rekindle our bromance
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
