Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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