I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
