You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
