Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
